Other Things They Should Make Green for St. Patrick’s Day Besides Beer

Cider.

Apple juice.

Cider, the alcoholic kind.

Lemons, just to confuse folks.

Oranges, also to confuse people today.

Limes, to give people a break—they’ve in all probability had a rough time in the supermarket selecting the erroneous citrus fruits.

Red lights.

Yellow lights.

The crisis lights on ambulances that occur for the crashes that these mild improvements trigger.

The Simpsons.

Ashlee Simpson.

Jessica Simpson.

O. J. Simpson.

All gloves.

The new Ford Bronco.

The Smurfs.

The Grinch, but in a far more St. Patrick’s Day variety of inexperienced.

Santa (his outfit and his pores and skin, so he is thoroughly monochrome and also much less simply distinguishable from the Grinch, which could guide to some intriguing plotlines).

All ponds.

All rivers.

All oceans, but in a great, environmentally beneficial way. (I should really have mentioned this for the others, but it’s also late now the damage to those bodies of water has been accomplished.)

My hair, so I can go nuts and permit my freak flag fly.

My family’s hair, so they don’t come to feel still left out.

The complete town’s hair, so we don’t get humiliated when we leave the dwelling.

All of my furnishings.

My carpet.

My drapes.

My pubic hair.

The grass on my lawn—it’s seeking a bit fatigued.

My mower—it was eco-friendly in the beginning, but it is rusty and seeking a little bit fatigued.

My neighbors—they’re looking a bit exhausted of me turning almost everything environmentally friendly.

Men and women who are envious.

Persons who are new at one thing.

People who have ingested a lethal sum of cabbage.

Cash in all international locations so folks can improved fully grasp American music.

People in all countries so men and women can much more conveniently stay clear of them.

Paint, so that when individuals go out on St. Patrick’s Day to “paint the town crimson,” it is, in point, painted green.